Here we go again. 282 days of action from the greatest league in the world will be upon us as of tomorrow. And in order to celebrate accordingly at this special time of year, I am tuning in to whatever psychic powers I possess to predict the season ahead. The problem with doing this with the Premier League is that it is, well, unpredictable.
As I never, ever hesitate to mention on here and on Twitter (but I feel obliged to keep reminding you, and myself), I am appalling at predicting - as my respective bank balances at various on-line bookies would testify. My only saving grace is that on here, there is no hiding place. But I should warn, that anything I do say is likely to be as genuine as it is inaccurate, and as tongue-in-cheek as it is deadly serious.
With all the housekeeping out of the way, it's time we got the show on the road. The 34 days since the World Cup Final have passed all too slowly for my liking. While I can't find a fitting analogy, it's always best to work from the bottom up - you're just going to have to take my word for it. So without any further ado...
As I never, ever hesitate to mention on here and on Twitter (but I feel obliged to keep reminding you, and myself), I am appalling at predicting - as my respective bank balances at various on-line bookies would testify. My only saving grace is that on here, there is no hiding place. But I should warn, that anything I do say is likely to be as genuine as it is inaccurate, and as tongue-in-cheek as it is deadly serious.
With all the housekeeping out of the way, it's time we got the show on the road. The 34 days since the World Cup Final have passed all too slowly for my liking. While I can't find a fitting analogy, it's always best to work from the bottom up - you're just going to have to take my word for it. So without any further ado...
The Trap Door
Well, first off, Tony Pulis' acrimonious departure from Crystal Palace changes the whole complexion of their season. Despite buying well in my opinion, it was still probably beyond Pulis to improve on last year's finish of 11th but safety would still surely be at the forefront of the minds of those in charge at Selhurst Park.
Now their season could already be heading for jeopardy. However, given their woeful struggles last year, they should come out stronger from the inevitable adversity that follows the Welshman's walkout, but I think it puts them firmly in the mix to go down.
I believe the main strugglers this year will be wearing claret and blue. Burnley shocked everyone by getting promoted and don't have the look of a Premier League side, although they will be a team with nothing to fear. But you wonder where the points are going to come from - especially if they don't perform well at Turf Moor.
Exactly the same thing goes for Aston Villa. An ever-present side in the Premier League, they have toyed with relegation for the past few years and Paul Lambert does not seem to have what it takes to take Villa forward. And even when and if Christian Benteke gets fit and scores 20-odd goals, it is more than likely they will have shipped at least triple that at the other end. Worrying times.
Hull's seamless run into the FA Cup Final...
*flashback*
...deservedly - some would say - earned them a place in the Europa League. After scraping past Slovakian minnow opponents in the third qualifying round, Steve Bruce may very well be cursing his luck as any more progress - as momentous as it would be for the club - could be detrimental to their Premier League season, and after the departure of Shane Long, the balancing act of playing the two competitions could land them in hot countries, but hot water, too.
The Great Escapees
What a year it has been for Leicester City. 12 months on from the most heartbreaking of play-off semi defeats at Vicarage Road, to show the character they did in waltzing to the Championship title last year was quite remarkable. This is a tricky one, because I can see someone like Nigel Pearson losing his job if things don't start well - and this was the club that got rid of Sven back when it was going okay. But a first Premier League campaign in a decade will have The Foxes jumping, but nail-biting all the same come May.
Their Midlands rivals at The Hawthorns have another tricky situation on their hands. Getting rid of Steve Clarke and then the useless Pepe Mel almost sent West Brom's season spiralling out of control. So to appoint a relative novice in Alan Irvine is a big call - they will be under huge pressure to pull the plug again, but at the same time, the appointment seems to demonstrate the confidence in him, and he might just get enough out of the Baggies.
Stable Mid-Table
One of the late contenders for Manager of the Season last year was Gus Poyet. Now looking to start his first full campaign in a Premier League hotseat, the Uruguayan has slowly been rebuilding a decent team on Wearside and will be looking to pick up from where they left off. However, their so-far failed pursuit of the previously loaned Fabio Borini and the sale of Jack Colback and Craig Gardner could hurt them as they look to be nowhere near the drop they looked so destined to fall into last season.
'Arry's back, and he's not messing around. Key signings have been made at Loftus Road that give an already decent-looking side a fresh look and feel - and he's even managed to somehow keep hold of Loic Remy. How much longer he can keep him at QPR remains to be seen, but the additions of Ferdinand and Steven Caulker give them a sturdy back-line that should frustrate more than enough teams to stay up relatively comfortably.
Redknapp's old chums from across the Thames at West Ham have been busy too - not least by poaching Gooner, Carl Jenkinson on loan. Enner Valencia of Ecuador had a good World Cup and can relieve the pressure on big Andy Carroll as he nurses yet another injury. But just like any Sam Allardyce team, there will be holes somewhere, and you can trust the rest of the Premier League to pick them at will. May flirt with the lower regions of the table, as is becoming customary.
Garry Monk took over from the somewhat unlucky Michael Laudrup last season and showed some promise in his first managerial job. He has done well so far to keep hold of Wilfried Bony, even after a World Cup to tempt potential suitors - and he will be key to Swansea's fortunes. No Europe this year should come at a blessing as they bid to make Wales their sole fortress once again this season.
Neither Here Nor There
I don't think I have ever seen such a mutiny on the scale of Southampton's. Key players have left and Liverpool are at least 50% responsible for it - and more may still go. But Ronald Koeman strikes me as a shrewd manager, and his knowledge of Holland has brought two bright talents - or so they hope - in Pelle and Tadic. And such is the strength of their young talent, they'll be okay, although the reality is a top-half finish is a decent return.
Stoke City were not exactly the surprise package last year (though I did tip them to go down), but Mark Hughes has successfully taken this team through a real turnaround-period. No longer associated with the rugby-style mentality, The Potters are seemingly on the up and are almost becoming reminiscent of Hughes' Blackburn side he took into Europe; that may be a while away yet, but an improvement is still on the cards for now.
Newcastle are close to mastering yo-yo-ing in the Premier League. Having been going up and down since their promotion in 2010, it is a little unclear where their real domestic future lies. But after a year of trouble, including Alan Pardew's nonsensical headbutt that landed him a hefty fine, I would expect him to take no nonsense and get the best out of his team, which I think he has added to fairly wisely.
Europa's Poisoned Chalice
Don't get me wrong, Mauricio Pochettino is a good coach, but it is still bloody Tottenham. Whilst I would not be surprised to see them give yet more false hope to their fans with a decent go at the top four, their rivals have strengthened well, whereas we have not seen much improvement - if there is such a thing - to Spurs' squad on a scale to take them forward. But, their football may just be easier on the eye for once.
After star striker Luis Suarez bit off more than he could chew, his reward was a move to Barcelona, which has left Liverpool looking rather bland to me, quite frankly. Daniel Sturridge is a potent source of goals and Brendan Rodgers' style looks set to stay and thrive at Anfield. But the big question is how the squad will react to the pressures of following up a second-place finish, Champions League football and a raft of new faces. My hunch is that it won't go too well.
Everton were awesome last year. Great to watch, talent in abundance, and a manager that you can't help but like. And by tying down Ross Barkley to a new contract and the signing of Romelu Lukaku, they are able to push on from last year, and give the top four a serious run for their money. Suarez leaving and the changes at Old Trafford leave the door open for somebody, and I wouldn't be shocked to find a quietly confident Roberto Martinez as his Toffees side really starts to take shape.
The Chasing Pack
As my regular readers will know(???), I've tipped Louis Van Gaal's Manchester United to scrape into the Champions League. When a guy comes in that's won what he has, and walks into a club with an excellent pool of players - however demoralised - you can expect some form of success. But it won't happen overnight - though their freshness from no European football means United should be on the ball from the word go - and that should get them over the line at least.
Sorry, Gooners, this is the Arsenal paragraph. There are many areas that I think Arsenal are superior in compared to Chelsea and Manchester City, but I still expect a more familiar league story - for this year, anyway. Whether it is (another) injury crisis, inconsistent refereeing, or God forbid, a Champions League run, I just feel - and hopefully it is just a feeling - that something will inevitably weigh us down, as the FA Cup feel-good factor fades away and the increased pressure for trophies kicks in.
And when said crisis occurs, that's where City will take advantage. They are the champions, but their squad strength does seem less intimidating, though nevertheless it should not be underestimated. If they need a win, they win. And the manner in which they gave up their maiden Premier League crown will spur them on to keep a tighter grip on it this time around. I'm expecting less drubbings, but more ugly wins from a City side looking to keep the other financial powers at bay.
Top of the Tree
It won't be a pretty sight, but at this moment in time, there is only one winner. Tactically, the best manager in the league. Technically, the finest (English) defenders in the game right now. One of Europe's most lethal strikers. And Cesc Fabregas. Chelsea have all the makings of a championship-winning team. Of course, there were bound to be "issues" during Jose Mourinho's first year back, but with them now back in his mould once more, the Portuguese can put The Blues and himself back at the summit of English football. Yuck.
As I feel ill just at the thought of Cesc Fabregas lifting the Premier League trophy wearing blue, I do sincerely hope that my judgement will be proved wrong once again. What I can say for sure though, is that all us football fans can all finally get our lives back on track after five weeks in a summer holiday wilderness.
The return of Match of the Day, complete with irritating pundits we will accuse of bias and ignorance, and not forgetting Soccer Saturday, which despite its infuriating Americanisation for the sake of alliteration, provides us with the illiterate but legendary Paul Merson and the classic Chris Kamara to guide us through 9 months of hell, torture and agony, where one club will find pure ecstasy at the end of it. Bring on the new season, and
COME ON YOU REDS!
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| My predicted table. About 20 errors here. |
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